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Page is far from the first gay woman to discover new-found sartorial freedom after coming out. Though I realised I was into girls at around four, it took until 14 to come out, and then 17 to tell my mum. And now I wonder, like Page, how many women — straight or not — would benefit from never having to consider what a man — real or imagined — thought of their clothes.

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Step 1: You must own a flannel shirt. Multiple if possible. Red and black are preferred.

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Helpful to some, but not to all, given that some lesbians we know would rather don a blazer of hot coals than step into a dress for a day. What is it that makes the world think lesbians are strangers to fashion? Digging deeper, perhaps these unattractive stereotypes were formed as a defense mechanism within homophobic circles, a still circulated underlying fear of homosexuality that lingers still.

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In my last year of marriage, I came out. Now I face an entirely different closet-related dilemma: What do I wear so women know I want to have sex with them? Or at least grab coffee.

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No lady, I mean my wife! When I first came out I knew very few lesbians and the ones I did know had a very limited wardrobe that consisted of mostly button down shirts and baseball hats. I, of course, would get teased by my tight jeans and my giant purse.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous.

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The point is, ever since the 80s hair length is slowly being eradicated as an indicator whether someone or not is a lesbian. Hair is not how we identify other lesbians any more in this ever-increasing egalitarian world. For the past few years one of the most popular fashionable hairstyle for women of all sexualities is to have long hair with shaved sides.

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I'm a Midwesterner with a background in writing and media. My articles are mainly about relationships, dating, and heartbreak. Throughout my life I've been told that it is a lot harder to spot a lesbian than a gay man, that women find it easier to hide their sexual orientation, or even that lesbians don't exist don't fall for that last one, kids.

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Photo by Alexey Kuzma via Stocksy. Happy pre- post- or present Pride, depending on where you are. As a queer community, this past month has shown us some of the lowest lows and highest highs we've ever had, and the rainbow spotlight aimed at my gay family forced me into contemplative headspace—one my sheltered baby butch brain rarely roams as I lumber around the big old city, as dumbly accepted as just another odd millennial.

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Sometimes is the result of not keeping separate closet space; sometimes is a larger sign of enmeshment. Some of this is a stereotype, but some of it is the egress of sharing space and intimacy with someone—you wind up stealing their hoodies. If you have even moderately comparable body types or styles, there can be a very natural drift toward a kind of stasis. There is an interesting tension around matching in lesbian relationships.


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